英語を書いてみよう(その3)

Let's try writing English(part 3)

先輩技師:｢検査と技術｣の2月号206ﾍﾟｰｼﾞの図3個の説明文を訳しました．図1の表題は"Relationshipbetween platelet aggregation andΔK (serum K-plasma K)"です．図2は"Relationshipbetween platelet counts, hematocrit and platelets in platelet rich plasma, andΔK (serum K-plasma K)"，図3は"Comparison of blood sampling with EDTA and heparin"です．

英文編集者:図1は一組みの関係を示したものですから，'between'は正しいです．この訳には一つだけ問題があります．それはΔKです．ΔKはserum K-plasma Kのことですから，両方使うとくどくなります．ΔKを使ったところで，表現がより短くより明確になるということはありません．"Relationship of platelet aggregation to the difference between serum K and plasma K"にしたらよいと思います．"Relationship between"で始めてもいいのですが，でもそうすると‘between’が二つ霊なってしまいます．図2には3組の関係が承されていますが，そのため，この‘between’が混乱の原困となっています．"Relationship of the difference between serum K andplasma K toplatelet count，hematocrit， and the platelet count in platelet-rich plasma"としてはどうでしょうか？　図3では，比較されているのは手願ではなくて，その結果です。・採血」は手順ですから，"Comparison Of results when blood is sampled with EDTA or heparin"に変えたいですね．

Senior technologist: I translated the three legends for the figures on page 206 from the February issue of this year of the journal Kensa to Gijutsu. The title of Fig. 1 is "Relationship between platelet aggregation and ΔK (serum K-plasma K)." For Fig. 2, I have "Relationship between platelet counts, hematocrit and platelets in platelet rich plasma, and ΔK(serum K-plasma K)." For Fig. 3, I have "Comparison of blood sampling with EDTA and heparin."

English editor: Figure 1 shows a single relationship, so 'between' is correct. The only problem with your legend is the ΔK.ΔK means serum K minus plasma K, so use of both is redundant. Its use does not make the title shorter or more clear. I suggest "Relationship of platelet aggregation to the difference between serum K and plasma K." You might begin the legend with "Relationship between," but there is another 'between' in the legend. Figure 2 shows three kinds of relationships. So, the word 'between' causes confusion. How about "Relationships of the difference between serum K and plasma K to platelet count, hematocrit, and the platelet count in platelet-rich plasma"? In Fig. 3, the results, not the procedure, are being compared. "Blood sampling" is a procedure. I'd like to change the legend to "Comparison of results when blood is sampled with EDTA or heparin."